Note: This piece is pure satire but we had to write something positive to keep our sanity.
“With the 35th pick in the 2020 NFL Draft, the Detroit Lions select running back D’Andre Swift.”
When NFL commissioner Roger Goodell said those words from his pimped out basement, not a soul in the world believed Swift would end up scoring the game-winning touchdown in his debut with the Lions.
http://gty.im/1228497214
But that is EXACTLY what happened on Sunday as Lions quarterback Matthew Stafford saw a wide-open Swift running towards the endzone. Stafford threw the ball and watched as Swift easily snatched the ball out of the air and tucked it in like he has done thousands of times in his life.
“I could not believe how open my man was,” Stafford said after the game. “I honestly could have thrown the ball with my left hand while holding my newborn daughter in my other hand and still completed the pass. I mean, I don’t know what you expected, it was dagger time!”
Swift, who also scored the Lions first touchdown of the game, was a bit more modest.
“Man, I am just trying to impress AD (Adrian Peterson) out there,” Swift told reporters with a big smile on his face. “The Lions drafted me because they believe in me and I just did my best to catch the ball and score during dagger time.”
http://gty.im/1228498578
Lions head coach Matt Patricia was extremely jovial after picking up his first Week 1 victory during his tenure in Detroit.
“This is what football is all about,” said Patricia as he kicked his feet up onto the desk in front of him. “We purposely let the Bears come back from a 23-6 lead because we wanted to see if dagger time is for real. As we know now, dagger time is here to stay.”
The 1-0 Lions will now head to Lambeau Field, where they will take on the 1-0 Green Bay Packers next Sunday in another big NFC North matchup.
