Hey, Michigan State: Here are 10 reasons why your football program sucks!

By W.G. Brady  - Senior News Desk Writer
8 Min Read
Michigan State football
Oct 29, 2016; East Lansing, MI, USA; Michigan State Spartans flag bearers preform on the field prior to a game against the Michigan Wolverines at Spartan Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Mike Carter-USA TODAY Sports

Note: The views expressed in this EDITORIAL do not necessarily reflect the views of Detroit Sports Nation or a majority of its writers and should not be misconstrued as such. The views contained within are the views of the author and the author alone. 

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*In addition to the above, this piece was all in good fun and is 100% intended to make the Michigan vs. Michigan State rivalry a little more exciting for the fans!

Originally written in 2018

Because of their recent success, Spartan “fans” are popping up everywhere. Some of these fans realize their team has only been winning for a short amount of time and are very nice people. On the other hand, some of these “fans” will not shut up about their team even though most of them cannot name more than three players on the roster! Those fans are extremely annoying, almost like a little gnat that you just cannot keep away from your face.

Here are 10 reasons why Michigan State’s football program sucks!

GO BLUE!

The Color Green!

I can’t figure it out if it’s just because I’ve been a Michigan fan for so long, but for some reason, I cannot stand the color green! You will not find one thing in my closet that even has the hint of green in it. There is not a color in the world more unappealing to the human eye and if my team wore the color green I would seriously consider switching teams.

They LOVE the term “Wal-Mart Wolverine”

Spartan fans opening their pie-holes and saying that half the Michigan faithful in the world are “Wal-Mart Wolverines” absolutely drives me crazy! News flash Sparty, half of your stadium is filled on a weekly basis with fans who did not even consider attending Michigan State University. It’s like this everywhere in the country, so if you think you are insulting Wolverine fans by using a stupid term, I really feel sorry for you.

 

Spartan fans think their success will continue (Nope!)

There is no doubt about it, Michigan State had a nice little run under Mark Dantonio (Until they didn’t) but what Spartan fans fail to realize or admit is that their success has come while Michigan was going through the worst era in the program’s history. Don’t get me wrong, MSU has had some VERY good teams over this time, but to think their dominance over Michigan would have happened if the Wolverines program was not in shambles is ignorant. As long as both Michigan and Ohio State are around, the Spartans will struggle to get back to another Big Ten title game.

Go Green! Go White! (Go shut up!)

This one speaks for itself. Just take a listen to the lack of enthusiasm from the MSU fans as they chant back and forth to each other. I could seriously play a recording of this to a baby and the kid would fall right to sleep. Update: I tried this theory and sure enough, my baby was out like a light.

 

“Spartans, what is your profession?”

Thanks a million to the movie “300” for this one! Ever since the movie came out, Spartan fans somehow thought it was about them. Sorry fans, East Lansing is NOT Sparta and if it was, it would never be made into a movie. It’s time to come up with your own material.

Spartans fans are suddenly everywhere!

Look, I totally get the whole “bandwagon” concept, and that winning brings out more fans. That being said, Spartan football fans take things to a whole new level. Years ago, I could walk around for months without seeing a single person wearing MSU gear. Now that filthy color green is everywhere! Have you noticed that you have seen a lot fewer Spartans fans after their loss to Northwestern? Now they are emerging once again after their win at Penn State. BANDWAGON CITY!!

 

Taking shots at “The Big House” when Spartan Stadium leaves much to be desired

This one makes me laugh out loud. There is nothing better than hearing a Spartan fan take shots at “The Big House” when they have Spartan Stadium, which leaves much to be desired. I have Michigan State friends who have told me that going to a game at Spartan Stadium is a blast, but that the stadium itself could be better. Personally, I have never been to Spartan Stadium and never will go to Spartan Stadium, so I had to defer to Michigan State fans themselves to help me out on this one.

It’s always about the Wolverines

It doesn’t matter if their team is winning a Big Ten title or playing in a Rose Bowl, Michigan State fans care more about what’s going on in Ann Arbor than they care about the happenings in East Lansing. I am 100% convinced that Spartan fans would rather see Michigan lose than their own team win! This is a problem if you ask me.

 

They act like they have been winning forever

 

This one really annoys me. Since 1970, the Spartans have won only six Big Ten titles compared to Michigan’s 20. Yet, for some reason, Spartan fans insist that they have been a powerhouse in football for years. Has Michigan State been a good program for the better part of the last decade? Of course, they have. But to say they have a rich history of winning championships is absurd. I would probably be pretty accurate if I said that a good part of the Spartan fan base was established in 2010 or later.

They INSIST they are Michigan’s biggest rival

This one has me confused more than anything. Most Spartan fans insist that their team is Michigan’s biggest rival on the football field! Anyone who knows the history of college football knows that without a doubt, Ohio State has been and always will be the team that Michigan wants to beat the most. If a Michigan fan goes up to a Spartan fan and tells them they would rather beat Ohio State, the Spartan fan will most likely turn beet red in the face and start yelling obscenities.

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