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Miguel Cabrera retires from baseball on eve of Detroit Tigers Opening Day

On Thursday afternoon, Opening Day 2021 will get started with the Detroit Tigers hosting the Cleveland Indians at Comerica Park.

But when the Tigers take the field for the first time this season, they will do so without one of the greatest hitters of all-time, Miguel Cabrera.

That’s because Cabrera, who will turn 38 in less than a month, has notified the Tigers that he has decided to retire from Major League Baseball, effective immediately.

In fact, when the Tigers broke camp in Lakeland on Tuesday to fly back to Detroit, Cabrera refused to get on the plane, instead sitting down on the airport floor with his arms crossed like a stubborn five-year-old who was told he cannot have ice cream for dinner.

When asked by a local reporter why he was not getting on the plane with his teammates, Cabrera explained.

“Have you seen the weather in Detroit?” Cabrera said with enthusiasm. “It’s going to be so effing (he actually said the F-bomb) cold on Opening Day that Little Caesars Pizza had better drop their ‘Hot and Ready’ slogan until it warms up a bit, or risk being sued for false advertisement.”

Cabrera, who is just 13 home runs shy of 500 and 144 hits from 3,000 for his career, said that he already has a plan for what the next chapter of his life will look like.

“I am a hell of a good rapper,” Miggy said while swinging his arms in the air. “Have you not heard my song, ‘Miggy al bate’?” I have rap talent that Eminem could only dream of.”

Now, if you have not yet caught on, this article is 100% satire and we hope you understand that the only fools on April Fool’s Day are the ones who fall for things like this!

On a serious note, thank you all for your continued support. We always do our best to share what we believe you will be most interested in and once a year, we have a little fun!

Happy Opening Day!

Oh, by the way, Miggy was on the plane to Detroit and he will be starting at first base for the Tigers on Opening Day against the Indians.

Wait, there is one more thing. Miggy really does have a rap song and if you have a few minutes, I suggest you check it out by clicking on the link below.

7 Comments

  1. To bad it’s a joke, Tigers would probably love to get out of that contract and allocate those funds to the rebuild. Could really upgrade 3 or 4 positions with that cash.

  2. That i was believing it fore a minute, up until the rapping part lol. We need Mr Tiger. And i am glad OPENING day has come PLAY BALL!!

  3. Sure, Don Drysdale‼️Isn’t he still pitching for the Brooklyn Dodgers? Why am I askin the Dog❓

Written by Don Drysdale

I am a fan of all Detroit sports and LOVE to write about them!

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