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Martha Ford rewards Matt Patricia with lifetime contract following 17-3 first half win over Packers

WARNING: SATIRE TO FOLLOW!

Detroit Lions general manager Bob Quinn made it clear when he fired Jim Caldwell that a nine-win season is not acceptable for this historically proud franchise.

Lions owner Martha Ford has now published multiple letters to Lions fans saying that she too is demanding more from her team. The most recent letter was released a day after the Lions announced that Quinn and head coach Matt Patricia would be back for another season, despite nine TOTAL wins in the past 31 games.

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On Sunday, Patricia had his team so fired up that they actually came out and defeated a sleep-walking Green Bay Packers team 17-3…in the first half.

At halftime, Ford busted her way into the Lions locker room and announced that both Quinn and Patricia will be with the team for as long as they want as she is giving them each a lifetime contract.

So, Lions fans, prepare for an exciting future under Quinntricia!

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