Let’s face it, these “way too early” prediction pieces are nothing more than a way for news outlets and amazing blogs like us to keep readers entertained during a long offseason. Sure, we have no idea which NFL Draft picks will pan out, but somehow we seem to think we can predict an entire season with a high percentage of certainty.
Well, predicting the Detroit Lions 2017 regular season schedule is exactly what I am going to attempt. But, instead of trying to be the smartest guy in the room like many others will do across the internet, I am going to have a little bit of fun with it. If you are looking for an in-depth breakdown of each game, tough crap. In fact, anyone who claims to be doing that is lying to your face.
So, let’s get to it. Here is a look at my not-so-rock-solid game by game predictions for the Detroit Lions 2017 regular season. Disagree? Tell somebody who cares.
First, an overview of the 2017 schedule.
UP NEXT WEEKS 1-4
2. Week 5 – vs. Carolina Panthers
How in the hell does a team finish 15-1 and go to a Super Bowl in one season and follow it up by going 6-10 and watching the playoffs from their couch the next season? Well, that is exactly what the Carolina Panthers managed to do in 2016. My early thought is that the Panthers will have a bounce back season and get back to the playoffs, but time will tell.
If my genius calculations are correct, the Lions will be 1-3 when they return home to face the Panthers. In other words, this will be a MUST WIN game if the Lions want any chance of making some noise in the NFC North. Newly drafted Teez Tabor will come up with a big interception and his partner in crime Ziggy Ansah will beat up on Cam Newton as the Lions pull out a big win.
DETROIT 24 CAROLINA 20
Week 6 – @New Orleans Saints
In Week 13 last season, the Lions went into New Orleans and absolutely dominated the Saints 28-13. That being said, Drew Brees is still extremely capable of beating up on a poor defense, especially when he is playing at home and the Lions could become the victim in this ‘revenge’ game for the Saints.
There is no way in hell the Lions will go to New Orleans and make Drew Brees look like Drew Henson for the second year in a row. Brees will likely throw for 550 yards and six touchdowns in the one as the Saints dominate the game.
NEW ORLEANS 48 DETROIT 31
Week 7 – BYE WEEK
The Lions will be sitting at 2-4 as they head into their bye week. With a Sunday Night Football matchup against the Steelers looming, the question will be whether or not the Lions can turn things around before it’s too late.
We will have to go two weeks of listening to the talking heads on 97.1 bitch about how bad the Lions are. God help us.
Week 8 – vs. Pittsburgh Steelers (Sunday Night)
We knew the Pittsburgh Steelers would be on the schedule and that is never something you want to see. After winning their final seven regular-season games in 2016 to finish 11-5, the Steelers were a popular pick to get to the Super Bowl before they ran into the Patriots in the AFC Championship Game. Pittsburgh will be one of the better teams in the league again in 2017.
At 2-4, coming off a bye week, this game will be one the Lions absolutely MUST HAVE. Luckily for Detroit, there is not a better time to face the Steelers. At Ford field, following a bye week, just could be the recipe for success in this one. Nobody wants to face a Jim Caldwell led team with extra time to prepare, right? (Jim Caldwell face)
DETROIT 24 PITTSBURGH 23
UP NEXT: WEEKS 9-12
Week 9 – @Green Bay Packers (Monday Night)
As long as the Green Bay Packers have Aaron Rodgers, and he is playing at a high level, they will likely be the favorite to win the NFC North. In 2016, the Packers swept the Lions, including a 31-24 win in Week 17 to win the division. I do believe the Packers will be less talented than they were in 2016, but this one is at Lambeau Field which bodes well for the cheeseheads.
There is absolutely no way in hell the Detroit Lions will go into Lambeau Field and beat the Packers on Monday Night Football. This one IS a rock-solid prediction, folks. Take it to the bank!
GREEN BAY 35 DETROIT 17
Week 10 – vs. Cleveland Browns
The Cleveland Browns blow.
The Cleveland Browns blow.
DETROIT 37 CLEVELAND 2
Week 11 – @Chicago Bears
The Chicago Bears were awful in 2016, finishing with a 3-13 record. That being said, one of their only wins came against the Lions in Week 4 and they nearly beat them a second time in Week 14. The Bears will still be the worst team in the NFC North, but they will win more than three games in 2017. #NotBoldPrediction
I’m not going to lie, I have one back-and-forth on this one 37 times already, solely because the game is being played in Chicago. The Lions are the better team and I am going with my gut. AHH!!! I just changed my mind again. And again.
DETROIT 23 CHICAGO 20
Week 12 – vs. Minnesota Vikings (Thanksgiving Day)
It’s tough to remember the last time the Lions hosted the Vikings on Thanksgiving Day. NOT!!!!! Great job, NFL! That’s right, Detroit and Minnesota will play against each other on Turkey Day for the second season in a row. Way to change things up. Anyways, I am much more confident in the Lions at home against the Vikings than I am when they play in Minnesota.
Can you say three-game winning streak? Well, that is exactly what will happen as the Detroit Lions will handle the Vikings on Thanksgiving Day. I project the Lions will wear their amazing throwback jerseys for this one and will play as good as they look.
DETROIT 27 MINNESOTA 17
UP NEXT: WEEKS 13-17